Make sure your children understand that prejudice and discrimination are wrong and unfair
Make it a firm rule that no person should be excluded or teased on the basis of race, religion, nationality or ethnicity, accent, gender, disability, sexual orientation, or appearance.
Help your children become sensitive to other people's feelings
Share stories and books with your children that help them to understand the points of view of other people. When personal conflicts occur, encourage your children to think about how the other person might be feeling. Studies indicate that caring, empathic children are less likely to be prejudiced.
Help your children understand the seriousness of name calling
Often young children do not know the meaning of the words they use, but they do know that the words will get a reaction from the victim. Children need to learn that discriminatory language is unacceptable and is as bad as undesirable physical behaviour. Children who use a racist or other hurtful name should be talked to right away. They need to understand that they have made a mistake and have hurt someone.
Help children recognize instances of stereotyping, prejudice and discrimination
Point out and discuss discrimination when you see it and make sure children know how to respond to such attitudes and behaviours. Television, movies and newspapers often provide opportunities for discussion. Encouraging children's critical thinking ability may be the best antidote to prejudice.
Encourage your children to create positive change
Talk to your children about how they can respond to prejudice and discrimination. Confronting other children can be particularly hard, so children need to have a ready made response to such instances. If another child is called a hurtful name, a friend might simply say, "Don't call him/her that. Call him/her by his/her name." Or, if your child is the victim, "Don't call me that. That's not fair." or "You don't like to be called bad names and neither do I." In all cases, try to help your child to feel comfortable in pointing out unfairness.
Take appropriate action yourself against incidences of prejudice and discrimination
For example, if other adults use bigoted language around you or your children, you should not ignore it. Your children need to know that such behaviour is unacceptable even if it is from a familiar adult. A simple phrase will do: "Please don't talk that way around me or my children." or "That kind of joke offends me." Adults need to hold themselves to the same standards they want their children to follow.
Accept each of your children as unique and special
Let your children know that you recognize and appreciate their individual qualities. Children who feel good about themselves are less likely to be prejudiced. Also, notice unique and special qualities in other people and discuss them with your children. Children who have poor self-images are more vulnerable to developing prejudices. They may try to bolster their own worth by finding a group of people whom they can put down. An insecure child might think, "I may not be very good but I am better than those people."
Respond to children's questions and comments
Find out more about what your children think in order to know what misconceptions may need to be corrected. After you have determined what they think, respond with a simple, "I'm trying to understand why you said that, but I don't see it that way." Be direct. Be brief. Use language your children will understand. Examples of questions that might be addressed:
- "Why don't people like those people? Why do people call them names?"
One answer could be: "Some people make judgments about a whole group people without knowing very much about them. Sometimes people are afraid of those who seem different from them and, unfortunately, they express that with name-calling and negative treatment. When people grow up with these ideas, sometimes it's hard to get rid of them."
It is important for children to know that they can help to overcome racism, sexism and all forms of bigotry. Show them how the choices they make can help to create a fairer world: "When a lot of children like you grow up, differences will become less and less important, and people will respect each other even for their differences."
- "Why do those people look (or act) so funny? Why can't he walk? Why do they believe such strange things?"
Children need to realize that all people are different. It is important to communicate to children that we often think others are different simply because they are unfamiliar to us. We don't think our own beliefs and appearances are strange or funny because they are what we're used to. Point out that we must appear different to others, too.
- "I don't like (name of group) people."
Such a comment needs to be handled carefully. It is important that you address such comments without making your children become defensive. With young children, the tone of the discussion should be one of exploring their thinking. A discussion might go as follows:
"You sound as if you know all the people who are (name of group), and that you don't like any of them. You can only like or dislike people you know. If you don't know someone, you can't have a good reason for liking or not liking them. There are children you may not like to play with, but their skin colour (religion, accent, appearance, size, etc.) should have nothing to do with it." Discuss with your children the character traits they look for in their friends, such as kindness, honesty, etc.
